19 de abril de 2011

Sylvia Plath ♥ - I

What did my arms do before they held you?

Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing

And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.

I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart.
I am, I am, I am

The silence depressed me. It wasn't the silence of silence. It was my own silence.

Kiss me and you'll know how important I am

If you expect nothing from anybody, you're never disappointed.
Let me live, love and say it well in good sentences

I have the choice of being constantly active and happy or introspectively passive and sad. Or I can go mad by ricocheting in between

There is nothing like puking with somebody to make you into old friends

Remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I've taken for granted.

Is there no way out of the mind?

I talk to God but the sky is empty

Life has been some combination of fairy-tale coincidence and joie de vivre and shocks of beauty together with some hurtful self-questioning

If the moon smiled, she would resemble you.
You leave the same impression of something beautiful, but annihilating.

I must get my soul back from you; I am killing my flesh without it.

The trouble was, I had been inadequate all along, I simply hadn't thought about it.

17 de abril de 2011

I love life...

Can you understand? 
Someone, somewhere, 
can you understand me a little, love me a little? 
For all my despair, for all my ideals, for all that... 
I love life.
 But it is hard, and I have so much... so very much to learn

15 de abril de 2011

Choosing one meant losing all the rest...

I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. 

I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet

14 de abril de 2011

I'm neurotic as hell.

If neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things 
at one and the same time, then I'm neurotic as hell. 
I'll be flying back and forth between 
one mutually exclusive thing and 
another for the rest of my days.

13 de abril de 2011

Mad Girl's Love Song by Sylvia Plath

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

12 de abril de 2011

I am horribly limited

I can never read all the books I want;
 I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. 
I can never train myself in all the skills I want. 
And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, 
tones and variations of mental 
and physical experience possible in life. 
And I am horribly limited

11 de abril de 2011

Death must be so beautiful.

Death must be so beautiful
To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses 
waving above one's head, and listen to silence.
 To have no yesterday, and no tomorrow. 
To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace

10 de abril de 2011

I have to live my life...

I love people. Everybody. I love them, 
I think, as a stamp collector loves his collection. 
Every story, every incident, every bit of conversation 
is raw material for me. 
My love's not impersonal yet not wholly subjective either.
 I would like to be everyone, a cripple, a dying man, a whore, 
and then come back to write about my thoughts,
 my emotions, as that person
But I am not omniscient. 
I have to live my life, and it is the only one I'll ever have. 
And you cannot regard your own life 
with objective curiosity all the time...

9 de abril de 2011

All I want is blackness...blackness and silence.

Sometimes I feel like I am not… Solid. 
I'm hollow. There’s… Nothing behind my eyes.
 I'm a negative of a person. 
It's as if I never... I never thought anything. 
I never wrote... anything, I never felt anything. 
All I want is blackness... 
blackness and silence. 
Look, one thing I do know about death.. 
is it is not a...a reunion or a homecoming. 
There's... there is no your life doesn't flash 
before you and the missing pieces of you dont click into place. 
Its just…. there's fuck all. 
There is nothing. 
So what do you do when your life... gets as bad it can. 
And just keeps getting worse

8 de abril de 2011

Made me fall in love with you to watch you...

Lionel Sweeney: 
I blew this up for you.
Diane Arbus: 
Why did you want me to shave you? Hmm? Why?
Lionel Sweeney: 
So I could swim out further.
Diane Arbus: 
Swim out?
Lionel Sweeney: 
Diane Arbus: 
What are you saying?
Lionel Sweeney:  
That I want you with me.
Diane Arbus:
Lionel Sweeney: 
Diane Arbus: 
What are you talking about? 
You want me to watch you die?
Lionel Sweeney: 
I want you with me, that's all.
Diane Arbus: 
But is this what you did? 
Made me fall in love with you to watch you...
Lionel Sweeney: 
I don't see it that way at all. I love you.

7 de abril de 2011

You're not dying...

Diane Arbus: 
What is it?
Lionel Sweeney: 
Well, every month or so I'm able to breathe about five percent less. My lungs are disintegrating. It's getting harder and harder for me to breathe... deeply. In a matter of months, I'll drown without even swimming, because there'll be nothing left... of my lungs.
Diane Arbus: 
You're not dying.
Lionel Sweeney: 
Yes, I am.
Diane Arbus: 
No, you're not.

6 de abril de 2011

My First Real Kiss ♥

Someone once told me that to write well, 
you have to write what you know.
This is what I know...
I´m 25 years old and I have never really kissed a guy.

A geek to the core, most of my childhood years 
were spent doing extra homework 
I requested from the teacher.
High school was more of the same. 
Then, at 16 it seemed as if my luck was about to change.
The cutest guy asked me to the senior prom, 
but it turned out he invited me as a cruel joke, 
and I have never fully recovered.

Yes, it is embarrassing to share this with the world, 
but it would be hard to explain what I learned 
and how I Iearned it without sharing this humiliating history.

I received an assignment, my first as a reporter,
to go back to high school and find out about kids today.
What I ended up finding was myself 
and that high school hasn´t changed.
There´s still that one teacher who marches to her own drummer.
Those girls are still there, the ones that, 
even as you grow up, will remain
the most beautiful girls you have ever seen close up.
The smart kids, who everyone else knew as "the brains,"
 but I just knew them as my soul mates,
my teachers, my friends.
And there´s still that one guy with his mysterious 
confidence who seems so perfect in every way.
The guy you get up and go to school for in the morning.
South Glen would not have been the same without him. 
High school would not have been the same without him.
I would not have been the same without him.

I lived a lifetime of regret after my first high school experience.
And now, after my second, my regrets are down to one.

A certain teacher was hurt on my path to self-discovery, 
and although this article may serve as a step,
 it in no way makes up for what I did to him.
To this man... you know who you are...
I am so sorry.
And I would like to add one more thing...
I think I am in love with you.
And so I propose this as an ending to this articIe
and perhaps a beginning to the next chapter of my life,...
I, Josie Geller, will be at the state
championship baseball game, where my friends, the South Glen Rams,
are playing for the title. I will stand on
the pitcher´s mound for five minutes prior to the first pitch.
If this man accepts my apology, 
I ask him to come kiss me 
for my first real kiss.

4 de abril de 2011

I think they are pretending...

Most girls’ plan is meet a guy…love…have a baby…
I don’t know if I have what it takes for everybody’s regular plan.

 I’ve never felt, like, that love… like the guy is the whole deal.
 Like… like to be honest? The whole baby thing? Never. Never. 
I’m just good at this one thing, you know? 
And when I hear girls talking about 
how in love they are…  or how the baby is everything… 
I think they are pretending...

3 de abril de 2011

Holy crap I’m in love!

Let me ask you something, 
How do you know when you’re in love? 
Baseball player:
 I got a way. I figure I’m in love with somebody 
when I wear condom with the other girl.
Holy crap I’m in love.

2 de abril de 2011

I do love you...

I do love you and you know there is something 
very important we need to do as soon as possible.
Dr. Bill: 
What's that?

1 de abril de 2011

The Shrinking Lover / El Amante Menguante

Se queda dentro de ella...para siempre

Anoche vi una película que me ha dejado
trastornado. Es una historia de amor.
Entre Alfredo...Un chico un poco gordito,
como yo. Pero buen tío. 
Y Amparo, su novia que es científica.
Amparo está investigando la fórmula de una dieta experimental...
que va a ser la bomba en el mundo de la nutrición.
Pero el tiempo pasaba.
Por mucho que trabajaba, 
Amparo no acababa de encontrar el antídoto.
Y el pobre de Alfredo, menguaba día a día.
Para que ella no sufriera, Alfredo se fue de casa.
Abandonó Madrid, y volvió al pueblo con su madre... 
con la que no se hablaba hacía 10 años, porque era tremenda.

A Amparo ni siquiera le había dicho dónde vivía.
En la película pasan muchas cosas. 
Pero lo importante es que después 
de años de remordimientos y estudios... 
Amparo descubre la dirección de la madre de Alfredo. 
Y ella se presenta.
Y Alfredo...
Se queda dentro de ella...
para siempre.